FIRST GOD CREATED THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH AND IT WAS GOOD BUT THEN GOD WAS BORED AND DECIDED TO CREATE MAN. THINGS LOOKED GOOD FOR A WHILE AND GOD WAS PLEASED AND GAVE THE MAN A WOMAN. THEN THE MAN AND THE WOMAN BECAME EVIL AND GOT TOGETHER TO CREATE A POPULATION EXPLOSION UPON THE EARTH. IT WAS THEN THAT THE DEVIL APPEARED AND TRICKED THE POPULATION BOMB HUMANS INTO DIGGING UP FOSSIL FUELS FROM UNDER THE GROUND WHERE GOD HAD FORBIDDEN MAN FROM GOING. THIS SINFUL ACT OF MAN UPSET GOD’S DELICATELY BALANCED CARBON CYCLE AND BROUGHT THE HORROR OF CLIMATE CHANGE UPON THE EARTH THAT THREATENED TO DESTROY THE PLANET.

DESPERATE TO SAVE THE PLANET THAT HE HAD CREATED AND THAT HE LOVED, GOD CREATED CLIMATE SCIENTISTS AND SENT THEM TO SAVE HIS BELOVED PLANET. AND THE PLANET WOULD HAVE BEEN SAVED BY GOD’S GOOD CLIMATE SCIENTISTS BUT THE DEVIL WAS NOT DONE WITH THE EVIL THAT HE HAD STARTED BY SHOWING MAN THE FOSSIL FUELS.

THE DEVIL FOUND CLIMATE DENIERS IN A DISTANT PLANET THAT GOD HAD FORSAKEN. THE DEVIL THEN CAUSED THE CLIMATE DENIERS TO APPEAR ON THE PLANET EARTH TO TAKE MONEY FROM EVIL FOSSIL FUEL CAPITALISTS AND THEN TO WRITE BLOGS AND POST TWEETS TO CONFUSE THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE SETTLED SCIENCE OF CLIMATE SCIENCE AND TO LAY THE SEEDS OF DOUBT. IT IS THUS THAT THE PLANET THAT GOD CREATED AND LOVED IS NOW ON A DEAD END TRAJECTORY FOR DESTRUCTION IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2100.

SADLY, THE DEVIL AND EVIL HUMANS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE PLANET THAT GOD LOVED. TOGETHER THEY HAVE CREATED THEIR OWN GEOLOGICAL PERIOD THEY CALL THE  [ANTHROPOCENE].  

IF ONLY JIM AND TAMMY FAYE BAKKER WERE STILL HERE THEY COULD HAVE SPREAD THE MESSAGE OF THE GOOD CLIMATE SCIENTISTS THAT GOD HAD SENT AND THUS THEY COULD HAVE SAVED THE PLANET THAT GOD LOVES. 

 Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, BY AMBER GARRETT, 2019 [LINK]

Jim and Tammy met at North Central Bible College in Minneapolis and created a ministry for children using puppets, appearing first on Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network. They went on to create The PTL Club, which stood for “Praise the Lord,” which pushed the ideas of faith healing and “prosperity gospel,” justifying their riches as endowed by god. They were so rich and successful, they founded their own TV network and a Bible-themed amusement park called Heritage USA. The couple was quite famous and Saturday Night Live would frequently impersonate them, with special attention paid to Tammy’s heavy makeup. 

It all fell apart when Jim was accused of rape by model-actress Jessica Hahn, who further claimed Jim has tried to buy her silence with $279,000. The money for that bribe came from funds the ministry raised from faithful donors who thought their money was being used to help bring the healing love of God to others and helping people living with AIDS or suffering from drug addiction. And it turned out that wasn’t the only questionable spending of their ministry’s funds. A big part of the fraud trial involved PTL’s sale of “lifetime memberships” that entitled donors to a 3-night stay at a Heritage USA luxury hotel each year. The funds were supposed to be used to build new hotels that would accommodate all the members, but they only built one 500-room property that would never meet the demand of the tens of thousands who had secured these memberships. Instead, the Bakkers pocketed $3.4 million of the donations.

Jim was found guilty on all 24 charges against him, which included eight counts of mail fraud, 15 counts of wire fraud, and one count of conspiracy. He was sentenced to serve 45 years in federal prison. Despite that 45-year sentence, Jim Bakker is now our of prison. Though his conviction was upheld on appeal, the Fourth Circuit United States Court of Appeals felt the lengthy sentence was unduly influenced by the judge’s faith and his own personal feelings of betrayal brought on by Jim’s crimes. In a re-sentencing hearing, which reduced Jim’s prison stint to eight years. He was paroled in 1994 after serving five of those eight years.

Tammy divorced Jim while he was in prison. He is now remarried to Lori Beth Graham, with whom he adopted five children and started a new ministry show called The Jim Bakker Show, where he focuses on a lot of end of days prophesying and sells Doomsday prepper supplies. Clearly, he learned a lot in prison. Tammy Faye Bakker, born Tamara Face LaValley, escaped criminal prosecution but stood by Jim throughout his trial. However, she filed for divorce in 1992 and remarried a year later to Roe Messner who was a real estate developer. He too was in trouble with the law. He was tried and convicted for bankruptcy fraud in 1996. Tammy stuck by Roe, however, as he served 27 months in federal prison. She released an autobiography called Tammy: Telling It My Way and had a short-lived talk show with Jim J. Bullock. A documentary about Tammy came out in 1999 called The Eyes of Tammy Faye. She had a couple of TV appearances.

Both Tammy and Roe were diagnosed with cancer in 1996, Roe with prostate cancer and Tammy with colon cancer. Though Tammy successfully fought her cancer and seemed to be in remission, the cancer spread to her lungs. In 2004, she announced that she had an inoperable tumor but was undergoing chemotherapy. While battling cancer, she appeared on Season 2 of The Surreal Life. After an 11-year battle, Tammy suspended treatment in 2007 and passed away on July 20, 2007, one day after her final interview with Larry King aired. She was 65.

Though Jim doesn’t seem too remorseful about defrauding faithful viewers, Tammy was penitent the remainder of her life. She was met with compassion and love from the gay community, who embraced her as an icon and celebrated her compassion for people living with AIDS during a time most fundamentalists were pushing the agenda that AIDS was an apt punishment for the “sin” of homosexuality. As early as the 1980s, she was pleading with viewers of her show to show their gay children love and acceptance, which was pretty revolutionary at the time. She was an especially big icon for drag queens in the ’90s because of her famously heavy makeup.

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